Malcolm Martin of Martin & Sons builders. At least it would be and sons, if either of the two lazy good-for-nothings would get off their backsides and do an honest day’s work. My eldest Tim swans around half-asleep all day and seems to think a job in the local pub is the height of achievement – he took a gap year and went off travelling, and came back with nothing but debt! Whereas my youngest Ben has barely finished his exams and seems to think he can be a professional computer games player. Is it too much to ask for my kids to help run the family business?
I’m Annie Martin. I run a house, a husband and two teenage boys (although sometimes it feels like three teenage boys). I also run a small hair-dressing business from the spare bedroom in Littlewich. Yes, it’s true about hairdressing – you learn everybody’s secrets, while they’re sitting in front of the mirror. And believe me there are a lot of secrets in Littlewich …
Tim. What else do you want to know? All right – Tim Martin. That better? Happy now you’ve got a surname? I don’t know why I came back to this place – Littlewich really is the arse-end of nowhere. None of my mates are here and my dad is forever on my case wanting to know when I’m going to get a proper job. I’m nineteen – I’ve got the rest of my life to be boring and sensible. And anyway, Ben is the boring one in our family.
